SURVIVING THE SOLAR ECLIPSE OF 2017

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I’m pretty certain this is a picture I took of the eclipse. It might just be an old picture I took of the moon, however. It's difficult to tell the difference. I didn’t drive ten hours to have a more complete experience. I believe West Michigan got cheated by 30 something percent. So enjoy this photo of the 65% Michigan eclipse. I’ll give you awhile to enjoy it...

Some may be wondering why I’m so late in capturing this event in print. The truth is, I had to give my retinae some time to heal. That’s plural for retina, as far as I know. While the local, regional and national news was dominated with advice regarding the safest ways to protect your eyes during eclipse viewing, I went with my own strategy. Please assess my game plan and feel free to give it an evaluation.

I didn’t trust the silly little glasses many wore. I wasn’t going to place my stellar vision in the hands of a product that looks like it could come from the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. Instead, I retrieved the stylish 3-D glasses I FORGOT to return to a local theater while departing the studio. This saved me money, looked great on me, AND gave me a 3-D view of this natural wonder! Next, I took an 8-ply hefty bag with drawstrings, cut a breathing hole and a hearing hole (I’m deaf in my right ear, so a single hole is all that’s necessary. It was a time saver. Ear hole? Mandatory if one is to hear the eclipse clearly). With my glasses and hefty bag in place, it was nearing eclipse time, 2:00 EST. I unzipped the entrance flap to my pup tent and climbed in. With the flap rezipped so no light could penetrate the enclosure, it was now safe to look at the eclipse. I checked my watch: 2:11. Nine minutes until eclipse prime time. Just enough time for a handful of Jalepen~o (I don’t know how to get the squiggly thing above the “n”) Fritos and a healthy swig of Moontain Dew. Get it?

It was at this exact moment I had a BRILLIANT idea that no media outlet identified. The well intended warnings all made reference to the obvious damage looking into the sun can cause. DUH! It was at that moment, 2:19 EST, I decided I’d not look at the sun. I’d only look at the moon! BRILLIANT!!!!!! So confident was I, I even took a peak through my hefty ear hole and unzipped the pup tent, just a smidgeon.

My apologies for not devising this brilliant strategy in time to share with others. I hear this “once in a lifetime” experience will occur again in 2028? I didn’t research this prediction, but if true, you’re welcome to use my eclipse viewing techniques free of charge. Just one more reason to continue your subscription to the day6art blogs.